so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
