I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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