I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
