Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
