First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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