He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize