so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
