glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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