Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
