Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
