I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
