Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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