Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
