I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
