I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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