if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
