Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Randomize
