I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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