I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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