i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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