I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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