You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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