You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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