I'm so fucking centered right now
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
