I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize