hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
