That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
