I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
