I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
