Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
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