I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
