My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
