the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize