she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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