Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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