are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
