Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
