My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
