Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
