I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
