If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
