I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
