I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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