Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize