someone get that fucking seahorse.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
