I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
