Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize