i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
