walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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