i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
