I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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