so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
