I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
