So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
