Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
