i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
