Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
