I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize