and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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