I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
