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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
