why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Randomize
