So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
