I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
