theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
