youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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