He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
