69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
