Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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