Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I didn't notice because vodka
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
