His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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