Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
