Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
