I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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