he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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