I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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