she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
