why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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