You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am one with the molecules
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
